The Power of Community

I first learnt about the concept of 'community' when I was working with The Good Brand Works, now Goodbrand & Co, an innovative Corporate Social Responsibilty consultancy. The company's working practice was based on 8 specific values and the importance of working as a community of like-minded, committed individuals. Once a month, we would gather for a 'Community Day', where we would reaffirm our passion for our work, and check in with our shared values to ensure we were honouring the principle of working internally and externally within this framework. It was an inspiring time of my life, I had never felt so excited about a job, knowing that I wasn't just earning a living, I was making a difference, whilst at the same time feeling respected, valued and supported as an individual. The community's commitment to our values is still a strong reference point for me, especially when I'm working with clients on exploring and identifying their own core values.

Community will mean something different to everyone, and more often than not, we are part of more than one. A community will give you support, belonging, identity, sometimes a shared identity. I have several different communities in my life. Family, neighbours, The Drawingroom in Chesham, my business network, online networking communities, fellow coaches, the broader community of the town where I have lived most of my life, and I know I could think of others. This morning, I had a fascinating conversation at The Drawingroom with two guys who were meeting face to face for the first time, but who were part of an online community of like-minded souls who had developed a bond of friendship through discussions on subjects close to their hearts. They were off to London to meet the other members of this select group, all of whom would be meeting face to face for the first time. I was quite excited for them! Just from the conversations we had in half an hour, I could tell they were going to have a great time.

I feel very proud of all the communities in my life, and very strengthened by them. Even as I speak, my next-door neighbour on one side is cutting the grass in the garden of my neighbours on the other side. They have moved and are waiting for a new tenant to move in. There is no personal gain in what he is doing, he is just being community-minded. Good karma points! Our front gardens cross into each other, so there is no boundary, and whenever either one of us cuts the grass at the front (usually my neighbour!), we naturally go straight across and cut both sides. This doesn't happen further down the road. Small patches of grass are left overgrown whilst the adjacent patch is trimmed neatly down a measured line between the terraced houses. Not very community-minded, no good karma points for them!

Community is very important for our sense of well being. It is the antidote to lonelines and isolation. I met a girl last week who has moved 47 times in her life and one of the things that she is searching for, yearns for even, is being part of a community. A sense of belonging. This is something my boyfriend would identify with, because his father was in the army and consequently spent his formative years moving from one place to another with little time to feel that deeper sense of belonging. He has now completely turned that around by creating a community space within our town where people can meet for coffee, feel safe, welcomed and known, gather with friends for meals and to listen to live music, and also be a peaceful haven for quiet reflection. It's a wonderful unique place, The Drawingroom, and the heart of it, the essence of the vision, is to contribute to the local community.

I have learnt to appreciate being part of a town community, having at one time wanted to leave it all behind and settle elsewhere. Apart from 4 years at university and a couple of years in Yorkshire, I've lived here since I was 10 years old. Both my fathers grew up here, (for an explanation of this, read my story on my website!), and every now and then I meet someone who grew up with them. I met one such person the other day whilst out walking my dog. He pointed to a tree, which I had previously photographed, which they used to call Old Man's Foot. There is something very comforting about knowing that I'm walking along the same paths which my dads walked and cycled on years ago.

I was delighted to hear that Radio 2 has been running a campaign this week called 'Love Where You Live', which culminates today in street parties being held around the country. There is even one in Leicester Square right now, with live music.

I could write about Community for ages, and tell stories of community spirit. You may have heard on the radio this week about the chaos caused by the fire in Chesham, which gutted the British Legion, a sad loss for part of our community who met there. I've heard that since the fire, they have had offers of help from various local organisations.

I'd love to hear what community means to you. It is something to be celebrated. Leave a comment with your story! Let me know that you've visited! Then I'll know that Spring to Life Musings has a community of its own!

Don't be a bully

Last weekend, we celebrated my mum's 70th birthday. Some family friends offered their lovely home as the venue and 30-40 of us gathered on Sunday afternoon in the Spring sunshine. It was a really fabulous day with close family and special friends, with a surprise visit from one of my mum's 'adopted' children from Scotland as an additional treat.

As I surveyed the scene, small groups greeting each other with hugs, catching up on news, sharing a joke, another glass of Pimms, I noticed that one of my young nieces, who is usually full of energy and enthusiasm, seemed rather subdued. She was keeping herself away from the other kids, not smiling much and there was none of her usual banter and well, loudness! Eventually, her mum discovered that she was suffering from a rough time being bullied at a party the day before. She had been physically pushed around, and called names which shouldn't come out of a child's mouth. As we were at a house she didn't know well, with some other kids around she doesn't see very often, she had decided to keep a low profile so that she didn't suffer the same abuse of the day before. How heartbreaking! She did seem to perk up after her mum had assured her that she was surrounded by people who loved her and could relax and enjoy herself, but she had spent most of the day already hiding away.

I hope she manages to give the lovely, safe, fun day on Sunday a higher profile in her memory bank than her experience the day before. Often, this sort of negative experience can cause automatic responses when children find themselves in a similar situation, and can sometimes become a habit which goes into adulthood - in this case, being subdued at large gatherings in unfamiliar places.

In her book 'The Journey for Kids', Brandon Bays describes many case studies where children have adopted a behaviour pattern as a result of one seemingly insignificant event. For example, she discovered that a child who was being labelled a 'loner' at school, was in fact, removing himself from large groups because it 'reminded' him of the feeling of being scared at a fireworks display, and being told he should enjoy himself. Brandon Bays has her own process for helping children and adults to adjust the way they feel about these types of memories, which in turn de-activates the automatic response. The important thing is to replace all negative feelings of anxiety, fear, insecurity, for example, with those of happiness, security and confidence. We can't change the past, but we can change how we feel about it.

It just goes to show how important it is to observe what our children are experiencing and making sure we are not dismissive, when something could become a significant event in their lives. The same goes for flippant remarks, like "Don't be a wimp", which I've heard delivered to the same child more than once in the past. It can take only one remark like this for it to become a truth in the child's subconscious: "I'm a wimp." Reassurance is far more effective.

Positively good news

Have you noticed how some of the most fascinating conversations and discussions can occur spontaneously, leaving you feeling grateful for having been in that place at that time, and not rushing off to 'get things done'...? I've had loads of great, inspirational and motivational conversations like this and sometimes make myself just stop and be, enjoy the moment and see what happens.

I had one such conversation at the weekend, sitting in my garden eating a deliciously full fat brunch with my boyfriend. We started chatting to a neighbour over the fence, philosophising about the emotional connection to physical well being and good health,(nothing to do with full fat brunches!) and moving on to the general impact of positivity on the health of the nation, in fact, the world. Which led us to the media... and the dangerous influence they have over our lives.

I really do believe that our current recessionary times are made far far worse by the constant bombardment of the latest bad news about our economy, how much longer it will last than everyone thinks, how we are all doomed. And what effect does this have? However upbeat people may have felt when they got up in the morning, seeing the sun shining, the start of a brand new day, by the time they've sat on a train, in a car, read the latest news or heard it on the radio, they will arrive at their place of work feeling thoroughly miserable and thinking how they must cancel their plans for lunch because it's too much of a risk to spend the money or venture into the community outside, when by all accounts, if the recession doesn't get you, swine fever will.

I'm not suggesting the media should simply stop reporting on world events, but can't we add a bit more 'however...' to these stories? I wonder how a social study would look if everyone had the choice of picking up either the Positive News, or the Negative News. Same stories, different approach. I guarantee we would start seeing signs of 'recovery' far sooner if more people reached for the Positive News. More money in circulation, rather than beind hidden under the mattress (because it's not safe in the bank, we all know that..!); more innovative businesses being created as a result of redundancy; more investment; more smiling faces; more happiness!! And isn't that what we're here for..? To be HAPPY?!

So come on, you journos, editors of media - take responsibility for the part you are playing in this. There is more at stake here than the downfall of a political leader or party, it's the health of the nation, and in more ways than one!

And as for the rest of us - hesitate as you watch the tv, listen to the radio, or read the newspaper... Hold a little of your acceptance back, receive the news with a questioning mind: I hear this, and I wonder what else is behind this snapshot of a story; this information is not the whole of my reality; I will leave the house with a determination to contribute to raising the positivity in the world around me; I will smile at the first person I see; I will smile at everyone! I will help others to look for solutions instead of focusing on problems and I will actively look for things to feel good about...

If you're interested in this subject, I found some interesting articles at Helium.com