Sharing your secrets and letting go

It was my birthday recently, and one of the fabulous presents I received (thank you again, Jess and Dom), was one of Frank Warren's PostSecret books. What an incredibly fascinating, inspiring and thoughtful project! I am completely in awe of what is becoming a phenomenon and a movement. Frank Warren, not an artist, nor a Psychologist, started the PostSecret experiment in November 2004 and he now receives around 200 postcards a day. This is how it works: You write your secret - something you've never confessed to anyone, on a postcard, with as few words as possible, and using the postcard as your canvas, so making it artistic and creative, adding pictures etc. You then post it to Frank Warren. That's it.

The diversity of revelations is as fascinating as the common threads of human experience, obsession and vulnerability. Page after page you find yourself laughing out loud, gasping in horror, gaping open-mouthed at the words in front of you, feeling the prick of unshed tears of empathy and sympathy - and more. It's like reading a creative representation of the history of the human experience and condition. Am I intriguing you yet..?

And there's more to it than that. As you read each postcard, you realise that behind each secret there lies a story. These few words are like the title of a book, the first spoken lines of a film, no fluffing around with setting the scene, but right in there at the deep end, delving into the deepest recesses of what really matters. It's so utterly human, I don't think I've ever come across anything so incredibly powerful, and it's all expressed with such simplicity. Frank Warren is a genius!

Not only that, but he has created the most amazing gift - the chance to confess with complete anonymity, the opportunity to let go of fear. Within the book there are various messages from participants, revealing what changed for them as a result of sharing their secret; a decision to change; the courage to share their secret with someone significant; for one girl, a marriage proposal!

I am truly inspired, in case you hadn't noticed! In the "Whatever Next...?" days I facilitate with Jeremy Clare, people share some of their story, whatever is relevant to the explorations of their "Whatever Next...?" questions, and each day is inspiring and a privilege to be a part of. Having read the PostSecret book, I have started formulating an idea for a workshop, giving people the opportunity to share, explore and let go of their fears, and perhaps create a postcard to contribute to Frank Warren's ever-growing post-bag. I'd love to receive your comments about this idea.

To find out more about PostSecret, go to the blog. And if you like postcards, have a look at Postcard Jim's blog, created by a very talented and immensely creative friend of mine.

The Law of Attraction

Have you heard of The Law of Attraction? Do you believe in it, or do you think it's a load of rubbish? I mean, how can it possibly be true that all you have to do is 'ask' and you can achieve anything - recovery from illness, new relationship, financial security, the house of your dreams... the list, of course is endless.

I grant you, it is hard to believe, but the evidence is that it works. People who know what they want and believe they can achieve it, are always heading in the direction of their dreams - and they have also, consciously, or unconsiously, 'asked' the Universe for help.

'The Secret', book and video, published in 2006, isn't the first documented evidence of The Law of Attraction, but it has introduced the idea to many more people with a strong marketing campaign and powerful word of mouth response. I highly recommend a look at both the book and DVD and encourage anyone to test its claims. A simple way of doing this, is asking for parking spaces... on your way to a meeting or the supermarket, 'ask' for a parking space in a spot convenient to your plans, and imagine parking your car with ease. I swear it works every time for me!

I recently tested The Law of Attraction on something much bigger. You can read about this in my July Newsletter, and get some additional tips and links on how to apply The Law of Attraction, and useful websites. I had such a brilliant reponse to this newsletter, that I have collated and published some of them in a separate email, with permission from contributors.

Even if you're sceptical, you have nothing to lose in trying it out, and everything to gain by giving it a go.

Happy manifesting!

Getting Motivated

You'd have to be superhuman to feel motivated every moment of every day, and if you're running your own business or life has just dealt you a challenge, maintaining a high level of motivation is a challenge in itself. I find there are two ways to get an injection of motivation - listening to someone whose energy is high and has great ideas, and motivating others myself.

Recently, I dialed in to a teleseminar by Bernadette Doyle, marketing guru and coach. Bernadette is very inspirational, even though you know she is selling a product whilst passing on tips and advice. At the end of the call, I felt really fired up with ideas and motivated to raise the bar in my own business.

However, I get an even greater boost of motivation when I'm presenting to an audience or working one to one with clients. Last week, I facilitated and presented a "Whatever Next...?" style workshop at the Gerrards Cross Springboard, an invaluable facility for people who have been made redundant, run by dedicated volunteers every Monday evening. After a frustrating day working at my desk, I got a huge boost from standing up and motivating an audience, and receiving the positive feedback at the end of the evening. I get the same burst of energy when I've been working one to one with a client, who has arrived uncertain and directionless, and leaves buzzing with ideas and enthusiasm. I feel as much gratitude to them as they do to me. What a great job!

So, if you're struggling with your motivation, go and find someone who you know will re-energise you and vice versa, whether it's a friend or a motivational video on-line. Or give me a call and book a coaching session, and I promise to get you back on track and buzzing!

Inspiring confidence

A lot of people who seek out my services are looking to increase their confidence, for all sorts of reasons and in many different areas. Some people see themselves as generally lacking in confidence; some have low self-esteem and low self-belief; others need to raise their confidence in a specific area of their life, perhaps within a relationship, at work, or for a particular event.

We are all confident about something, whether it's a belief, the way we raise our children, political allegiance (well, maybe not so much these days...), whether we like chocolate, or maybe just being confident that we're not confident. The trick is to understand this and transfer this confidence to the area which needs it. Lack of confidence is just an illusion created by fear, more often than not unfounded fear.

One area where people frequently lack confidence is in public speaking, presenting to an audience. I managed to raise my confidence in this area through being a member of The Athena Network, being in a situation where I had to stand up and talk about my business, and then going on to present on different topics. In fact, I can now confidently say that I really enjoy it. When I went on a workshop with Partners With You, and watched Neil Roberts strutt his stuff, I wanted to be up front, not in the audience.

Many people choose Toastmasters to learn how to perform infront of a crowd and get used to writing presentations. I also heard last week of an apparently fantastic Platform Presentation Skills course by Christopher Howard - certainly a considerable financial investment, but also an investment for your business.

But if you want inspiration to raise your confidence, see that anything is possible, look at these 2 videos:





If they can do it, you can.

A celebration and a lesson in honesty

Sometimes, the simplest of things can teach you a great and memorable lesson in life, without pain or strife. The other day, I witnessed this unfolding for an 18/19 year old lad at The Drawingroom. It was early evening, and he was sitting outside waiting to have a coffee with a friend, when he heard something drop to the floor when someone walked by. He didn't pay attention immediately, but when he looked up, he saw a bundle of money on the ground. Picking it up, he found that it amounted to about £350, and when his friend returned, they decided to hand it in to The Drawingroom in the hope that the owner would enquire inside when he came back to look for it.

I happened to be there and had noticed someone I know walk past a few minutes earlier, and when I then saw him striding urgently back through the cobbled courtyard, I realised the money must belong to him. He was over the moon that someone had not only found it, but hadn't decided to pocket it. He had actually seen the young lad counting the money with his friend and didn't know how he was going to approach them. He thanked the boy and handed him a £20 note from the bundle of money.

It was a really great feeling to witness this event. We were so relieved that the money had been dropped outside The Drawingroom, and not on the High Street, where it is far more likely to have disappeared into someone's pocket. Richard, my partner, and owner of The Drawingroom, was proud that his two young customers had been so honest, and also rewarded them with free coffees. When they left, our young hero said that it had been a life-changing event for him, that he had learnt that honesty has its own reward and he felt a little taller for it.

The Power of Community

I first learnt about the concept of 'community' when I was working with The Good Brand Works, now Goodbrand & Co, an innovative Corporate Social Responsibilty consultancy. The company's working practice was based on 8 specific values and the importance of working as a community of like-minded, committed individuals. Once a month, we would gather for a 'Community Day', where we would reaffirm our passion for our work, and check in with our shared values to ensure we were honouring the principle of working internally and externally within this framework. It was an inspiring time of my life, I had never felt so excited about a job, knowing that I wasn't just earning a living, I was making a difference, whilst at the same time feeling respected, valued and supported as an individual. The community's commitment to our values is still a strong reference point for me, especially when I'm working with clients on exploring and identifying their own core values.

Community will mean something different to everyone, and more often than not, we are part of more than one. A community will give you support, belonging, identity, sometimes a shared identity. I have several different communities in my life. Family, neighbours, The Drawingroom in Chesham, my business network, online networking communities, fellow coaches, the broader community of the town where I have lived most of my life, and I know I could think of others. This morning, I had a fascinating conversation at The Drawingroom with two guys who were meeting face to face for the first time, but who were part of an online community of like-minded souls who had developed a bond of friendship through discussions on subjects close to their hearts. They were off to London to meet the other members of this select group, all of whom would be meeting face to face for the first time. I was quite excited for them! Just from the conversations we had in half an hour, I could tell they were going to have a great time.

I feel very proud of all the communities in my life, and very strengthened by them. Even as I speak, my next-door neighbour on one side is cutting the grass in the garden of my neighbours on the other side. They have moved and are waiting for a new tenant to move in. There is no personal gain in what he is doing, he is just being community-minded. Good karma points! Our front gardens cross into each other, so there is no boundary, and whenever either one of us cuts the grass at the front (usually my neighbour!), we naturally go straight across and cut both sides. This doesn't happen further down the road. Small patches of grass are left overgrown whilst the adjacent patch is trimmed neatly down a measured line between the terraced houses. Not very community-minded, no good karma points for them!

Community is very important for our sense of well being. It is the antidote to lonelines and isolation. I met a girl last week who has moved 47 times in her life and one of the things that she is searching for, yearns for even, is being part of a community. A sense of belonging. This is something my boyfriend would identify with, because his father was in the army and consequently spent his formative years moving from one place to another with little time to feel that deeper sense of belonging. He has now completely turned that around by creating a community space within our town where people can meet for coffee, feel safe, welcomed and known, gather with friends for meals and to listen to live music, and also be a peaceful haven for quiet reflection. It's a wonderful unique place, The Drawingroom, and the heart of it, the essence of the vision, is to contribute to the local community.

I have learnt to appreciate being part of a town community, having at one time wanted to leave it all behind and settle elsewhere. Apart from 4 years at university and a couple of years in Yorkshire, I've lived here since I was 10 years old. Both my fathers grew up here, (for an explanation of this, read my story on my website!), and every now and then I meet someone who grew up with them. I met one such person the other day whilst out walking my dog. He pointed to a tree, which I had previously photographed, which they used to call Old Man's Foot. There is something very comforting about knowing that I'm walking along the same paths which my dads walked and cycled on years ago.

I was delighted to hear that Radio 2 has been running a campaign this week called 'Love Where You Live', which culminates today in street parties being held around the country. There is even one in Leicester Square right now, with live music.

I could write about Community for ages, and tell stories of community spirit. You may have heard on the radio this week about the chaos caused by the fire in Chesham, which gutted the British Legion, a sad loss for part of our community who met there. I've heard that since the fire, they have had offers of help from various local organisations.

I'd love to hear what community means to you. It is something to be celebrated. Leave a comment with your story! Let me know that you've visited! Then I'll know that Spring to Life Musings has a community of its own!

Don't be a bully

Last weekend, we celebrated my mum's 70th birthday. Some family friends offered their lovely home as the venue and 30-40 of us gathered on Sunday afternoon in the Spring sunshine. It was a really fabulous day with close family and special friends, with a surprise visit from one of my mum's 'adopted' children from Scotland as an additional treat.

As I surveyed the scene, small groups greeting each other with hugs, catching up on news, sharing a joke, another glass of Pimms, I noticed that one of my young nieces, who is usually full of energy and enthusiasm, seemed rather subdued. She was keeping herself away from the other kids, not smiling much and there was none of her usual banter and well, loudness! Eventually, her mum discovered that she was suffering from a rough time being bullied at a party the day before. She had been physically pushed around, and called names which shouldn't come out of a child's mouth. As we were at a house she didn't know well, with some other kids around she doesn't see very often, she had decided to keep a low profile so that she didn't suffer the same abuse of the day before. How heartbreaking! She did seem to perk up after her mum had assured her that she was surrounded by people who loved her and could relax and enjoy herself, but she had spent most of the day already hiding away.

I hope she manages to give the lovely, safe, fun day on Sunday a higher profile in her memory bank than her experience the day before. Often, this sort of negative experience can cause automatic responses when children find themselves in a similar situation, and can sometimes become a habit which goes into adulthood - in this case, being subdued at large gatherings in unfamiliar places.

In her book 'The Journey for Kids', Brandon Bays describes many case studies where children have adopted a behaviour pattern as a result of one seemingly insignificant event. For example, she discovered that a child who was being labelled a 'loner' at school, was in fact, removing himself from large groups because it 'reminded' him of the feeling of being scared at a fireworks display, and being told he should enjoy himself. Brandon Bays has her own process for helping children and adults to adjust the way they feel about these types of memories, which in turn de-activates the automatic response. The important thing is to replace all negative feelings of anxiety, fear, insecurity, for example, with those of happiness, security and confidence. We can't change the past, but we can change how we feel about it.

It just goes to show how important it is to observe what our children are experiencing and making sure we are not dismissive, when something could become a significant event in their lives. The same goes for flippant remarks, like "Don't be a wimp", which I've heard delivered to the same child more than once in the past. It can take only one remark like this for it to become a truth in the child's subconscious: "I'm a wimp." Reassurance is far more effective.