My family and other animals

I mentioned in a previous blog that it was my dad's birthday, and yesterday we marked the 2 year anniversary of his passing. 2 years ago, after the trauma of saying goodbye, we went en masse as a family for a walk, followed by a Sunday lunch of bangers and mash, the perfect meal in my dad's eyes!

Yesterday we repeated what is becoming a family tradition - Growler's Day (Growler being the name given to my dad by the children). I come from a large family, and our gathering included 12 adults, 10 children and 9 dogs! The sun broke through as we stood around a woodland pond in Chipperfield, in Hertfordshire, trying to avoid the dogs as they leapt out of the water and shook themselves dry.

I'm immensely proud of being part of such a large family, who regularly gather for Sunday lunches - although not always en masse. I'm also particulary proud of the way my parents have always welcomed and embraced additions to the family group. And I'm not just talking about partners. Two of our party yesterday are not relations, but treated as part of the 'pack' naturally and without question. One is an 18 year old lad called Billy, who adopted my parents when he lived next door as a young boy. His family eventually moved to Spain and he would always spend part of his holidays staying with my mum and dad. Now, he has returned to Britain to attend university and most weekends he stays with my mum. He helped my sister move house, is always offering lifts and collections and helps my mum with a variety of tasks - including educating her on how to use the internet! (This was a bit of a shock for my 15 year old nephew when he posted a video on Facebook one night after some late night sledging in an old bath, which included some rather blue language from him, and he immediately received a message from his grandmother! )

The other addition is a friend of my sister who is staying with my mum at the moment. She's always been a true friend to my sister and having her around seems perfectly natural, and an opportunity to offer her a helping hand during a time of change.

Individually, we are from a mix of moulds, but together we are one big family. In fact, the truth is, I'm an interloper myself. Because of my background, the assertion that blood is thicker than water doesn't work for me. We may not be able to choose our relatives, but we can choose who is family to us, and yesterday I was with mine, and it was great!

Your World, My World

One of the things that I love about snowy days is that they reveal some of Nature’s secrets, things that as human beings, our senses aren’t sophisticated enough to notice. When I first looked out of the window this morning, I could see where my neighbour had crossed the road to his van when he left for work this morning, and where a cat had wandered through a gap in the fence.

When I take my dog for a walk, she ‘sees’ all these things. Her world is rich with information about who has passed by, where they stopped and how long ago they were there. She can smell these things, whereas I am only aware of them when it has snowed, and even then, only when the snow is fresh and there are few enough footprints for me to identify cat from dog, child from adult. As Taya steps out of the front door and raises her nose in the air, the picture she sees, or senses, is full of the busyness of life, rich with colour and shapes, like a picture in a Richard Scarry book. This is her world, mine is far simpler in comparison.

It is important to remember to respect that we all have different views of the world. What is significant to me may hold very little import to someone else, and likewise, something they feel strongly about may pass me by.

I attended a workshop with Byron Katie at the weekend and in the process she calls The Work, she highlights how, just because we think one thing, doesn’t mean someone else will think it too. If we judge someone we care about for something they have done, or the way they have behaved, it doesn’t mean they are wrong, it just means that it is wrong in our world. The way Byron Katie tests this is by asking the question “Is that true?” – consider before responding, “..or is that your opinion?”

The next time you tie yourself up in knots whilst judging someone else’s behaviour, stop and think for a while and ask yourself whether it is possible that in their world they have done absolutely nothing wrong and don’t realise the way you feel, it could spare you a great deal of heartache.

Life of Rowley

My neighbour’s cat Rowley died today.

Rowley spent his life trying to get people to slow down. He would saunter across our road, forcing the speed addicts to put their foot on the brake, then he’d roll over in the middle of the road so they would have to stop for a while – until Rowley decided it was time to move. He didn’t exactly stop lines of traffic, his was a limited sphere of influence, but even on the day he died, I saw two young guys stop, wait, marvel at this cool cat, and slow their own pace for a few minutes. Some time today it seems that he may have miscalculated and someone didn’t slow down in time. More fool them.

When not being the cat traffic light, Rowley would flirt with passersby, compelling them to stop and stroke the fluffy, purring ball. I’m sure I’ve read somewhere that cat owners have lower blood pressure – the petting of their cat after a stressful day’s work, reminding them that Love makes the world go round, not money.

Rowley will be much missed, not least by his family, but also by his neighbours: by me, who used to find him sleeping on my bed, by my dog, Taya, who was desperate to play with him – but Rowley was way too cool for that – by Bella, the toddler who he would run to greet, and by those regular drivers who will forget why they always slow down past his house. Rowley put the 'cat' into 'cool'.

Everyone leaves an impression on the world. Take a leaf out of Rowley’s book – slow down a bit, before it’s too late.

For Jade, Jason, and young Osker who is tonight experiencing his first of loss.